The Affirming Power of a Sexy Photo Shoot

By Anela Malik, as told to Leslie Price

I don’t know how I came up with the idea to do a boudoir shoot. I was living in northwest Arkansas in a quaint city called Bentonville, which is Walmart’s hometown. I had just gotten divorced and was figuring out my life. I had taken time off from work – in the early months I was pretty depressed – and I finally felt like me again. But a different version of myself. I came across a boudoir photographer (I think someone sent her to me on Instagram) and the idea just kind of stuck in my brain. I saw it, and I thought to myself, I have to do that. It looks so fun, and also a little scary. I’ve never done a shoot like that before.

I realized that the photographer was a four-hour drive away. So I booked it, and I drove up to Kansas City.

For work, I film a lot of other people’s stories. I’ve had headshots done, but I rarely do a shoot that’s all about me. I liked the idea of being selfish. I know that “selfish” has a negative connotation, and maybe in the past I would’ve thought of it that way, but now I think of it very differently. Part of this is, of course, informed by my divorce, and part of it’s informed by the fact that I’m just older and life has happened in other ways. Women are expected to give to everyone: to our siblings, to our nieces and nephews, to our parents. We are most likely to be other people’s caretakers.

In my life, I’ve seen that pattern play out, how depleted I felt when I got divorced. Not all of that was in relation to my marriage. I had stretched myself very thin. So much of the input we get as women is about what we should be doing, how we should dress, how we should behave, and how we should show up for other people. Maybe, for me, it took a big crisis to be like, What if I just didn’t do that? That’s not to say that I don’t have a community of people that I’m committed to and will show up for, but 2024 is going to be my selfish year. What if I did things for myself first? Things I’ve always thought about, or wondered about, even if they’re scary or even if they’re not the most practical. There’s a lot of growth and joy to be found in that. Now that I’m in this era, I have more capacity for other people, ironically.

Before the shoot, I was very nervous. Despite being a pretty confident person, the idea of being naked – or nearly naked – in front of someone you’re not very close with is scary. But I made the right choice as far as the photographer. Who you do this with is very important. Part of the reason why this particular photographer and service stuck in my brain is that they provide a few things, like lingerie. I don’t own any of that. I had just started over and didn’t have even most of my stuff settled, let alone money to spend on cute things to sleep in. I was not there yet. To be able to shop the lingerie closet and to have it be size inclusive … and then, even the forms you fill out in advance of the session were so thoughtful and inclusive and accessible. She asked: What’s going to make you feel more calm? Do you have any physical limitations that might affect your ability to pose? It made it less scary. To pay for it, I used a payment plan she offered. A lot of photographers do that. 

Afterward, I was on a high. I saw the preview on the camera’s display, and felt this euphoric feeling like, Oh, I really did that. I can’t believe I look like that. I can’t believe that’s me. It was a really affirming and positive experience.

Beforehand, I told myself that I wasn’t going to change myself for this. There was this initial thought process of, What if I went on a diet? I hate dieting. Why would I go on a diet? I told myself that I could nitpick one thing and it could not be my weight. This time, it was getting a tan, because I have the worst tan lines from cycling. That made me feel in control.

Part of the experience, if you book with this particular photographer, is that everyone does hair and makeup there. It’s part of the glam session. I don’t wear makeup, so the full glam was new, it was exciting.

I got a full gallery of photos, and then I was able to select which ones would be in a printed book. I have a big print that I hung in my apartment, and then I bought all the digitals as well. I’ve looked through the photo book with some of my best friends. My personal opinion is that bodies are just bodies. I’m not a shy person. I know for others it might be different. It was cool to see myself dolled up that way when most days I’m just wearing workout clothes and sandals. 

I was glad I did this while I was single, because it was a fully “me” experience and wasn’t connected to anyone else. If I choose to share it with someone, it’s still not, at its core, tied to that person. It’s all still about me.

If you do this, just know that it’s probably going to be terrifying if you’ve never done it before and it’s still worth doing. You won’t love every photo, but there will be some that make you reevaluate how you view yourself… in a good way.

These photos — this entire experience — was like a love letter to a version of myself that I deeply needed to see. It marked both an ending and a beginning, but most importantly it’ll be there for me in the future to look back on.