By Helen Down
In 2024, aged 51, I found myself stuck in rut. Menopause, divorce, and dating had sucked the joy out of me. I was in yet another pointless situationship, but this time, it had an upside. He lived with a clinical trial doctor from Imperial College London, a global center of excellence for research into psychedelic therapy. Over breakfast one morning, this doctor blew my mind by saying there was growing evidence to suggest psilocybin (the active ingredient in magic mushrooms) could ease, amongst many other things, perimenopause.
It didn’t take long for me to buy into the idea. By this point – burned-out by parenting, hot flashes, vanishing youth, career plateau, and endless unwashed boxers – I was prepared to give almost anything a shot. And it wasn’t much of a leap of faith because, like many Gen X-ers who grew up with rave culture, I am not a complete stranger to psychedelics.
I signed up with Beckley Retreats, a leader in the field, and went to their Netherlands site for five days of yoga, mindfulness, breathwork, visualization, and two psilocybin “ceremonies”; all bookended by a six-week preparatory course and a two-month integration program. I emerged feeling positive, perhaps even serene. And I was not the only midlife woman there. According to Beckley, women make up 59% of all bookings, and 47% are 40 to 55 year olds. It’s no coincidence that “stuck in a rut” and “on autopilot” appear in these women’s applications 2.7 times more than those of other participants.
My first ceremony began innocuously enough. Nine women awaiting our medicine while lying on daybeds swaddled in the type of bright white comforters you’d find in a five-star hotel. Despite the calm setting – a studio surrounded by lush green forest – we ate our disgusting, chopped-up shroom truffles with some trepidation.
I told myself, over and over again, to stay calm, to just marinate in the evocative music and enjoy the trippy show taking place on the insides of my eyelids. For a while, it worked. But before long, it felt like the flesh was melting from my bones. As the anxiety crept in, I struggled to surrender control to the shrooms. After some highly agitating internal discourse, I eventually let go and plummeted to the basement of my soul. Oh boy, was it dark down there.
After battling my demons and crying an ocean, I thankfully found myself soaring towards the sun, melting into its golden haze to become just another molecule in our beautiful universe. I was possessed by an understanding: that nothing, when it really comes down to it, has to be a problem. The realization felt so hilariously obvious that my tears turned into joyous laughter. Once I’d calmed down, after god knows how long (because by this point, linear time had all but disappeared), the next stage of my ceremony involved “meeting” the important people in my life. I apologized to the ones I’d wronged and accepted apologies from the ones who’d wronged me. ‘Cathartic’ doesn’t even begin to cover it.
Although it ended beautifully, it was far from easy. Taking 40 to 50 grams of psilocybin truffles (in the Netherlands, psilocybin can only be legally dispensed as truffles, with 10g roughly equaling 1g of magic mushrooms) is, for most, far from recreational. But it was 100 percent worth it – and there’s plenty of science to explain why my ceremony had such an impact.
As the founder of Hystelica, a research organization investigating the safety and effects of psychedelics in women’s biology, neuroscientist Dr. Grace Blest-Hopley says, “Psychedelics like psilocybin work by directly stimulating one of the brain’s key serotonin receptors. For menopausal women, the nice part of this story is that estrogen and serotonin are closely linked. As estrogen falls in midlife, the serotonin system loses some of its tone, which contributes to mood changes, brain fog, sleep disruption, and even hot flashes. Psychedelic therapy essentially gives a strong nudge to the very system menopause has turned down.”
She adds that psychedelics also boost BDNF (a protein that acts like Miracle Gro for the brain) and so may help with brain fog, while also appearing to have anti-inflammatory effects on menopause’s wider inflammatory shift.
More significantly, psychedelics enhance the brain’s neuroplasticity, meaning we get an opportunity to reframe rigid thought patterns. That said, this reframing doesn’t happen by magic. It takes work, ideally with support from a therapist.
No medicine – prescription or plant – is risk-free. Official data on psychedelic retreat deaths does not exist, but a 2023 review found the media blamed at least 58 deaths on ayahuasca retreats between 1994 and 2022 citing causes like suicide, cardiac events, and toxicity.
Safety standards vary wildly. Tales abound of non-indigenous self-styled shamans exploiting the vulnerable. My retreat, however, had one facilitator, including a medical doctor, for every two participants. They also screened for the type of trauma and mental health issues that could be re-triggered by ceremonies and insisted participants were clear of medications like SSRIs to avoid potentially fatal serotonin syndrome (an excess of serotonin in the brain).
Environment is as important as safety and legality. I once tried doing a quick n’ cheap DIY retreat by renting an Airbnb and hiring a “trip sitter” (someone sober to watch over you and keep you safe). Being surrounded by photos of someone else’s family, nosy neighbors, and contractors drilling next door is not ideal when your inner child is sobbing her heart out. A tranquil Dutch forest or idyllic Jamaican beach (psilocybin is tolerated in both these countries; as is ayahuasca in Brazil, Peru, Colombia, Ecuador, and Costa Rica) means a much better vibe.
I’ve yet to journey with Mother Aya (as ayahuasca’s energy is known) because I’m told she’s sterner than mischievous mushrooms. Ketamine therapy, which is legal in the US, and MDMA therapy, may feel more comfortable for those who misspent their youth on the dance floor. The new kid on the block, 5MeO-DMT (a secretion from the sonoran desert toad also known as “The God Molecule”), sounds appealing because trips usually only last around 20 minutes. But they can feel like a literal lifetime. Other options include mescaline (from cactus), kambo (from the giant leaf frog), and ibogaine (from the roots of a shrub).
If you’re overwhelmed by that paragraph, there’s always microdosing. Hystelica is currently conducting an observational survey around microdosing for menopause. But Dr. Blest-Hopley cautions that benefits may wane over time, as they have proven to do in psilocybin microdosing trials for anxiety and depression.
Psychedelic therapy is a massive undertaking. It’s not something for the faint-hearted (quite literally, actually, because psychedelics can put a strain on the heart). Nor can many midlife women afford it; either in time, money, or risk. Plus, running off to a retreat might seem impossible to justify when everyone and their mother relies on you. But what if one week of so-called self-indulgence helps you become a better parent/partner/daughter/sister/friend/colleague?
Although the neurological effects of my 2024 retreat have faded and I’m itching to do another, its therapeutic legacy will last forever. My experience healed relationships I didn’t even realize needed healing. And when life gets too lifey, as it often does, I dig deep to remember that flicker of nirvana. It’s a powerful antidote to this burdensome stage of life.