By Holland Sweet
Belle Burden’s bestselling memoir Strangers has struck a nerve. The book follows the sudden collapse of Burden’s 20-year marriage after a tip-off about her husband’s affair — and his announcement the next day that he was walking away from her and their kids. What has readers gripped, though, is his financial betrayal.
Burden, a former attorney, left her legal career to raise their children and support her husband’s rise in finance. She had a prenup, but it was altered at her husband’s insistence to ensure that whatever he earned during the marriage was solely his. She also used her inheritance — she is the granddaughter of New York socialite Babe Paley — to buy homes in New York City and Martha’s Vineyard, titling them in both names, turning separate property into co-mingled marital property.
“Burden definitely overlooked some key financial protection basics,” says Emily Bouchard, a certified money coach and co-author of Beginner’s Guide to the Purposeful Prenups. “Prenups are supposed to treat both parties fairly. This one was lopsided.”
Prenups’ Prime-Time Moment
“Most couples don’t realize that every marriage already has a prenup, a legal contract that’s dictated by your state,” says James Sexton, Esq., a divorce attorney who spent 25 years dissolving marriages before pivoting to help couples build them on solid financial ground through his company, Trusted Prenup. “I believe couples should set their own rules, not ones written by the state legislature.”
Prenups are having a moment across generations: a 2023 Harris Poll found 47% of millennial respondents who are engaged or married say they’ve entered one. But the sharpest rise is among older adults entering second marriages. “We are drafting many more prenups for second and third marriages,” says Lisa Zeiderman, Esq., C.F.L., CDFA, managing partner at Miller Zeiderman LLP, whose practice handles a lot of gray divorces. “By then, people have careers, homes, and children from a previous relationship. They have more to protect, and more to lose.”
Online platforms like Hello Prenup make the process accessible, guiding couples through a streamlined questionnaire for around $599, though independent representation is still advised. Plans cover property, debts, and children’s inheritances, and address the spousal elective share – the portion of an estate, often a third, guaranteed to a surviving spouse unless waived. Zeiderman, who consults for Hello Prenup, has one rule: “Don’t use ChatGPT to draft your prenup. The misinformation is astounding! Prenup sites are legitimate and vetted by attorneys in every state.”
“The best time to have the financial conversation is when you are in love, happy, and planning a future,” says Bouchard. Avoiding it can lead to cracks that widen inside the marriage. “Financial infidelity” – money decisions made without a partner’s knowledge, like a secret shopping habit or gambling problem – is one of the leading drivers of divorce.
Prenups for the Second Time Around
Joanna, 56, was in the middle of her own divorce when she met her future second husband, also rebounding from an acrimonious split. After seeing him struggle, she broached the prenup conversation.
“My fiancé had been put through the financial wringer,” she says. “His first wife wanted everything, from life insurance to future inheritances. We both had our own homes and children from prior marriages and knew the pain of divorce.” Each hired their own attorney, as prenup law requires full transparency. “I had a career, but I’d be giving up alimony. I wanted to protect myself and be fair to my fiancé. We created an arrangement that was equitable for both of us.” Ten years later, Joanna says, “Negotiating a prenup actually made our marriage stronger.”
It’s Not Too Late: The Rise of the Postnup
What if you’re already married and didn’t get a prenup?
“We are seeing more postnups for couples in their 50s who didn’t think to negotiate one when they first married,” says Zeiderman. The catalyst is often a shift in the marriage itself, such as an empty nest. “That’s actually a good time to start the postnup conversation,” she says.
Divorce can be particularly unfair for women who stepped back from their careers to raise children. If the marriage fails, a woman in her 50s who put her career on hold may face re-entering a workforce she left decades ago, with diminished earning power. A postnup can’t erase that inequity, but it can build in protections. A U.S. Government Accountability Office study found women’s household income drops an average of 41% in the year following divorce, versus roughly 21–23% for men.
Unlike prenups, postnups can’t be handled through online apps. They must be drafted by attorneys as they are governed by state laws and highly scrutinized to make sure they are fair to both parties. “I had one middle-aged couple come in to draft a postnup when they realized a divorce would be too costly. They worked out a different arrangement,” says Zeiderman.
Zeiderman views prenups and postnups as a loving, practical step, not a bet against a marriage. She and her husband talk about money constantly, and believes it builds respect rather than erodes it. If Burden”s memoir does anything, it’s alerted more women to the cost of trusting blindly over planning clearly.